My Immortal Commentary
by userdoesnotwishtobediscovered
Summary: The epic fail of Harry Potter fanfiction. I couldn't help myself. Exactly What It Says on the Tin. Trope reference anyone? So yeah. Crappy. Very strong cursing in story. Also in A/N and commentary. Review, flame whatever. Too crappy to care. Other references will be applied.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So a lot of people know about My Immortal, the infamous fanfic written by Tara Gilsby… And I am now doing a commentary. Review, flame, I don't care. The story is too horrible. But I couldn't help myself. So damn freaking funny. Stuff in bold is obviously the commentary. I must be careful. If my mum finds this on the computer I am so dead.**

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><p>AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!<p>

**I am in shock. Maybe I'm not the best speller and I don't have great grammar, but the fact the spell checker made the screen light up red is terrifying. Also, WHAT HELP? Justin as in Justin Bieber? Now I do hate him, but this punishment is a too harsh even for him.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

**That explains the horrid spelling; dementia is "****severe impairment or loss of intellectual capacity and personality integration, due to the loss of or damage to neurons in the brain." As seen from dictionary.**

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)

**Never would have known!**

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

**Limpid means transparent. 'Tis not possible for one to have limpid icy blue eyes. **

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

**Does that mean I can leave now?**

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

**Mm. Incest at its best!**

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

**Are you implying that vampires don't have straight and white teeth? Okaaayyy… No comment.**

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

**You sort of have to be.**

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**That description was completely unnecessary. I DO NOT need to know your wardrobe.**

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining

**Snowing and raining at the same time! SHOW ME!**

so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. ***Snickers. Epic.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Ooooo! Suspense! And Draco!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **I see him scuffling his shoes and fluttering his eyelashes and staring at the ground. Oh god. HA!**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

**Yes please! Go away and don't come back!**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

**No it was not good. There. I told you.**

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><p><strong>Well that sucked like hell. (Forgive me for foul language but if I'm going to stare at Cluster F-Bombs I may as well say just a bit. But just minor swearing. Not even the s-word. Well, maybe the s-word. But they will be censored. Mentally I am cursing Tara to Tartarus. (There will be references to PJO. Just so you know. I am a die-hard PJO fan.)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry for the enormous gap. I haven't had much time or patience for Fanfiction. Anyway, I was bored today, so I decided to do some more of this. By the way, does anyone know where one can find the original version? That people may have uploaded? 'Cause I'm just taking others' commentaries and getting rid of their stuff. Thanks!**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!

**Once again I ask this: WHAT HELP?**

BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

**People who flame your story are not necessarily preps. Don't make mindless, pointless assumptions.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.

**Um… Where else? In the bathroom perhaps?**

It was snowing and raining again.

**Oh joy. My favourite weather that makes **_**complete**_** sense!**

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

**Well, that isn't strange at all. (No seriously. Ebony is apparently a vampire. Not strange for here to be drinking blood at all.) **

My coffin was black ebony

**Of course. We couldn't have any other colour for Ebony right?**

and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.

**YAY! Sort of normal clothes! I use a large t-shirt for pyjamas too! High five gurl!**

Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**Just when I started to not hate you so much… Get this in your head: NO ONE CARES.**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

**So when she woke up her eyes were still closed?**

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**LalalaNOONECARESlalala…**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. "Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. "Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. "No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

**It was just a question…**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. "Hi." he said. "Hi." I replied flirtily.

**Ha. Flirtily. Yeah. You TOTALLY don't like him.**

"Guess what." he said.

**He says questions. He doesn't ask them.**

"What?" I asked. "Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. "Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. "Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. I gasped.

**GASP.**

**AN: This is so very entertaining. Just so you know, I will be swearing now. Too much (WAYYYY too much) influence from classmates. And fanfiction. Whatever. Good luck maintaining your sanity. I've read the whole thing like 3 times already. It's amazing that my brain hasn't exploded yet.**


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